2. WRITINGS: Let's get talking!
- Asli Gursoy
- Nov 16, 2021
- 5 min read
Updated: Nov 18, 2021
In my research for my video essay, I realized I felt slightly disconnected from the reality of this type of trauma. I wanted to put faces to the research, and make it as human as possible in my presentation of it. So through conversations with friends, family, and acquaintances, I was able acquire their consent to anonymously share some of their personal experiences, thoughts, feelings, and ideas on this topic - as well as my own.
These were not formal interviews, but were open conversations, divulging and building off of personal experiences and thoughts. This means that the points in this section are personal observations that can differ from person to person and is not empirical in nature.
1. Perfectionism: Insecurities and Workaholism
Throughout my conversations, the topic of perfectionism came up a lot. However, these manifested in different ways. Many explained how it was usually their parents that would enforce perfectionism onto them, especially my female friends.
Our conversations ended up focusing on their relationships with their mothers. Feelings of abandonment and low-self worth manifested in the constant need to prove themselves through their work, or their perfect physical appearance. And even then, they said it never felt like it was enough. This leaked into other areas of their lives as a need for control and power over almost anything but mostly relationships; their children, work and work relationships, romantic relationships and friendships. For others, it led to troubles making decisions for themselves due to the fear of making the wrong one, making them imperfect in some way.
It was then pointed out how, as they get older, some of their mothers open up to their children about their own feelings of inadequacy, their relationship with their own mothers, and how the chase of perfection is, "just a part of life." Something they have become so accustomed to they see it as natural, and so they lead their lives and their children's life in this manner. This relates directly to my points about relational/attachment styles, and how they can very easily be passed on through generations.
Support:
Dobos, B., Piko, B. F., & Mellor, D. (2021). What makes university students perfectionists? the role of childhood trauma, emotional dysregulation, academic anxiety, and social support. Scandinavian Journal of Psychology, 62(3), 443–447. https://doi.org/10.1111/sjop.12718
2. Affect and Guilt
Some of my friends have a parent of which was severely impacted by a traumatic experience. I noticed that many of them explained that they feel a, "weird sense of guilt," whenever they have a disagreement or fight with them. They feel that they cannot openly express emotions like anger and sadness.
We talked about why that may be, and came to a general conclusion that it connects to feelings of guilt. One of them put it this way:
"Their anger and their experiences could never compare to my petty ones."
This leads to the repression of negative emotions, and makes it difficult to process as a result. Connecting to feelings of guilt or shame for feeling negatively. In the video essay, I mentioned how defensive behaviors actually help cope with negative emotions, and can be a very adaptive method of self-preservation.
Moreover, some of my friends explain how by repressing these emotions, they tend to bubble over explosively in situations that do not call for as strong as a reaction. For example, they may be intensely upset or angry because they miss the bus to work, or have a small argument with their partner. It's important to remember that secondary trauma is also a form of intergenerational trauma, and must be regarded and treated just as importantly. It does not make someone's feelings less valid.
Support:
Wiseman, H., Metzl, E., & Barber, J. P. (2006). Anger, guilt, and intergenerational communication of trauma in the interpersonal narratives of second generation Holocaust survivors. American Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 76(2), 176–184. https://doi.org/10.1037/0002-9432.76.2.176
3. Anxiety
Children who grow up in a very loving home, with their attachment needs met, can still end up anxious. Especially, if one of their parents, particularly the mother, has anxiety, or has gone through a significant stressful experience while pregnant.
We discussed how despite having very loving, wonderful parents one can still be overly anxious in everyday situations. This shows how genetics and epigenetics, likely through maternal stress, can cause behavioral changes. Some of which, need therapeutic intervention.
We then talked about the guilt one feels as a result:
"I've never experienced any trauma. Nothing significant; my parents love me, I felt safe growing up. And yet, I feel that something is wrong with me. And I feel guilty for it, because it feels like there's no reason for it."
Some shared how their parents came from abusive homes, but swore they would never treat their children like that; they break through the cycle of abuse. Yet, it is clear that effects of trauma may manifest in later generations - one example being anxiety. Through heritability of anxiety, epigenetic changes, maladaptive attachment styles, or anxious behaviors, there are many ways in which trauma and trauma responses are passed on.
Nevertheless, good news is that talk therapy, for my friends who talked about this, seemed to be extremely effective. Working through feelings of confusion and guilt was said to greatly lessen their anxiety.
Support:
Miao, Z., Li, Y., Mao, F., Zhang, J., Sun, Z. S., & Wang, Y. (2022). Prenatal witness stress induces intergenerational anxiety-like behaviors and altered gene expression profiles in male mice. Neuropharmacology, 202, 108857. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.neuropharm.2021.108857
4. Societal Factors
One of the biggest and most complex points of conversation was how society plays a role in perpetuating cycles of trauma. Friends of mine who have had family members experience colonialism, or have experienced it themselves, talk about the constant feeling of persecution. This trauma can manifest in societal structures; access to healthcare, poverty, drug use, etc. They identified how this makes the trauma maintained by structures outside of the person, making it much harder to heal.
Even if the law enforces equality, or if we aim for inclusivity, as long as the core roots of discrimination are not addressed, we are not likely to see improvements in intergenerational trauma. Biases in our healthcare systems, especially, is one of the most concerning - not only physical, but mental health is not prioritized as a result.
Implicit bias is a key factor here: blatant racism is less socially accepted (this does not mean it never occurs), but modern racism/symbolic racism is much more common. The belief that minority groups and Indigenous people do not face discrimination or prejudice; the ignorance, contributes to these structural factors in cycles of trauma significantly.
Support:
Boyer, Y. (2017). Healing racism in Canadian health care. Canadian Medical Association Journal, 189(46). https://doi.org/10.1503/cmaj.171234
I did not focus on specific, historical traumas. Nonetheless I do want to acknowledge how they can have extremely heavy long-term effects, and that tragedies like Residential Schooling can affect generations through the mechanisms we discuss as well. My goal for the future is to take this foundational work on intergenerational trauma and apply it to those specific traumatic events to evaluate treatment.
I want to conclude with the statement that not all of these behaviors are maladaptive; coping mechanisms or behaviors can be greatly adaptive and beneficial. All of the listed qualities can manifest as strengths too. Furthermore, this all contributes to how flexible and changeable humans and the human brain are. Meaning, trauma, however it is acquired, is treatable.
Photo Description: Theme of generational love against the background of the generational trauma suffered by Indigenous survivors of Residential Schools, their families and their communities.
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